I've been thinking about the future lately and what it will hold for me. Of course, there's no way to be certain what will happen. I have been desiring to become a teacher. However, I must be honest with myself. I do not know I will be allowed to ccontinue. That was dependent on my observing teacher's evaluation of me. I knew of one area she said she could not give me a good review on. It's complicated, but I was unsure how much interaction I was supposed to have with the children and the teacher and I hardly ever spoke to each other. There wasn't a place near her desk to talk to her. I sat by the door in a small chair at a small table. It was only my second observing classroom. There were other issues too, but I won't bother telling them. So, I knew that and I just let it go, because everything in education was SO confusing last year. I won't go into detail. It turns out, apparently she hardly liked me at all and told me that I should find something else to do and needed to find a career where I could work independently. Wow, how she even knew answers to some of the questions, I'll never know. They had nothing to do with my skills and more to do with her guessing how I am. Ugh.
I wonder what I can do know, other than work. I am still looking for a job. Maybe take some lessons I've been wanting to take and maybe move like I have waiting to do. I don't know. I will need to pay money back and the scholarship money will be defunct. I feel discouraged, all that hard work for nothing. Like a new farmer, sowing his seeds, keeping them watered, trying to find the right mix of compost or fertilizer to help them grow only to have nothing grow or to have one heavy rain cause a flood and destroy all he'd worked for. That's how I feel right now. But I have the faith.
"Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9
Emmanuel, "God with us" comes to my mind for he is with me, encouraging me on the path of his righteous. The path he has for me now. He's given me a lot of hope and education. I had a wonderful opportunity even though it's ending. I got to go to college and be educated. Some would have loved such an opportunity and I know I have been blessed to have had it. I do not regret it. As difficult and down as I feel, I have it pretty good and realize it. I may wish for things to be different. There is some reason for this and I will find out one day what God has in store for me.
“There is nothing better than the encouragement of a good friend” Katharine Butler-Hathaway
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